His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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