I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
