I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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