just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
