BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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