Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
