I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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