You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
