Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
