So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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