you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
