it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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