The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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