Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
