I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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