i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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