if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
