Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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