i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
