According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
