I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
