Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
