My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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