she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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