pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
