and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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