You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
