just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
