Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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