I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
