Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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