I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
