he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
