Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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