i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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