But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
