It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize