I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
