is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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