I need help removing her.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
