STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
