Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
