i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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