69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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