I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
