The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
