I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize