So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
