the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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