You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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