What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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