WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
