you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
