What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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