Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
