they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
