I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
