i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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