He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize