It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
