What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
