Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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