Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
