so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
