Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
