So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
