her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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