Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
