is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
