My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
