I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize