If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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