how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
