My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize